The secret's out

Finally. It's been exhausting keeping this inside for so long. We have separated. I knew it would happen this year; had thought about it a million times and tried to figure out how to say what I needed to say and when was the best time to say it. Turns out there's no right time and no right way, and fate dealt us a blow that forced us to deal with it head on. So, it's over, and here I am starting my new life. Funny, 2011 was supposed to be "my year" and I suppose it was, to a certain extent. I mean, I made huge changes: I started to exercise and look after my body; I began to eat better; I lost weight and inches and am looking and feeling good about myself; I learned to meditate; I learned to take control of my life and stand on my own two feet. But now I think that 2012 is going to be an even more significant year. I am on my own for pretty much the first time in my life. It's frightening. Lonely. Exciting. Empowering. I have bought a new house and moved in a few weeks ago. Though it may not sound overwhelmingly impressive, I did the deal entirely on my own. Used to having a bit of help from my father or from Bob, I realized that I needed to accomplish this by myself. And I did. Yay me!

This is both an end and a beginning. I admit that I'm feeling lonely and vulnerable and afraid. There are days in which I think I'm going to fall apart and can barely muster the courage to get outside. Thankfully, there are fewer of those days than there used to be. During the last six years I have been unbearably sad and searched for an easy way out. Turns out there's no easy way out. But, there is a right way out and I discovered that I'm strong enough to handle it. In fact, I discovered that I'm strong enough to handle anything. And best of all, I've learned to let go of the past. Bygones. Let it go.

I am liberated. I am empowered. I am ready. I deserve this.